LNLL May 31, 2017

Welcome to flight 531 featuring non-stop service to your imagination. (Just kidding. There’s no place to land there!) As this is a no smoking flight, anyone caught sparking up will be asked to step outside once we reach cruising altitude.

Don’t you hate it when one voice gives way….

Pay attention, maggots! These are The Roolz! You will read The Roolz, you will love The Roolz! Is that clear, maggots? Don’t sir me! I work for a living!

  1. RTMLR! (Read the mother-loving Roolz!) Unless you want to run the obstacle course again? Didn’t think so. Pansies.
  1. 97% of Nobel Prize winners over the past 12 years have been adherents of SK’s Big Book of Roolz.
  1. The others got lucky. They read Rules for Tules instead. Morons! Ya just can’t fix stoopid.
  1. I mean they were fortunate to be selected. My winners always get lucky.
  1. There is a misconception going around that The Roolz are some kind of rules or something. Not sure where that idea got started.
  1. It was probably @PK Kaye. She do love rules. Did you know that when she was in college she actually [redacted] in the [redacted] with three [redacted] and got away with it?! Different times, amiright?
  1. These aren’t rules, fer gawd’s sake! They are Roolz. Could it be any more clearer?
  1. Please avoid hallucinogenics prior to reading The Roolz. Might go a long way in avoiding #5.
  1. What is wrong with you people? Besides #10, I mean.
  1. Some people consider themselves too good for Wednesday night. Like this ain’t important or serious enough for their time.
  1. Bttttrhhhhjtttttsss to them.

12 – 37. See rool #11

  1. Lighten up! Shit, that should be rool #2.
  1. Serious is boring. Boring is death to a relationship. See: every damn romcom ever made. And reviews from all of your ex’s.
  1. Not that Hollywank knows shit about making interesting movies anymore.
  1. I think I just undermined my own argument.
  1. Enough roolz!
  1. For tonight’s performance, the role of Rool #41 will be played by #44.
  1. Let’s wreck this place. Woohoo!
  1. I will make fun of your comments whenever possible and/or appropriate. Pick one.


Addendum To The Roolz

  1. I may capitalize the R in roolz at my discretion.
  1. Addendum #1 in no way violates the Consent Decree between SK Berit and Ashlee Shades regarding the mental health impact of The Roolz.
  1. The check is in the mail. Stop calling me!
  1. You have to clear the other thing with Sherry White. But I’m game.

In high school, I decided to break up with my girlfriend after just a few months. This was a first for me, being the dumper. I liked her and didn’t want to cause unnecessary pain. Our little group of four built a beach fire on the designated night. After awhile, I built up the courage to lead my girlfriend down the beach for “the talk.” I gently explained the situation, she nodded lots.

“Are you ok?” I asked and she said yes so we returned to the fire.

Standing before our friends I said, “We have an announcements to make.”

She jumped up and down, “We’re staying together!”


Whenever two people get involved there are going to be misunderstandings, miscommunications, and misinterpretations. These are gaps between the perceptions of the people involved.  These are usually not funny to the people involved at the time but, like slapstick, the rest of us can get a good laugh at the pain of others.

Tell us about one of those huge gaps you’ve experienced or witnessed.


photo courtesy of The Nu Romantics

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