LNLL May 24, 2017

Live from everywhere, it’s Wednesday Night!

Before we begin, everyone must sign the waiver, created by the law offices of Dewey Snark & Howe. Please read carefully.

The Ducking Roolz!
1. Roolz is spelleded with a z at the end only. Not an s. Unless I want to be held personally liable for Ashlee Shades’ therapy bill(s). Which I do not.
2. RTDR! (Read The Ducking Roolz!)
3. You know it has to be an outrageous bill from several doctors.
4. I got a hand job on a bus between Denver and Cheyenne when I was 18 from a rancher’s daughter. My favorite graduation surprise. This isn’t a rool but if I can find a way it will be.
5. All in favor of making #4 an official rool, say aye. Not eye! What is wrong with you people?
6. The motion was carried by unanimous voice vote. Because this is my thread, and also shut up.
7. Hey, my love. No, you don’t have to worry about Rancher Girl. Never saw her again. Seriously, no idea who she is. I don’t think we even exchanged names. Of course I respect her! For gawd’s sake, I was 18. Let’s talk later. I have to do this thing now.
8. Did anybody read the male masturbation manifesto from R.B. O’Brien? The whole ducking thing, I mean. That poor, confused, chicken-legged girl.
9. Irish are known for having tempers, sure. However….
10. Never, and I mean ever, get a Sicilian woman angry. Hulk got nothing on that. Why do you think the men carry shotguns?
11. Commit #10 to memory. It could save your life one day.
12. Ladies, too. You never know.
13. I welcome the participation of everyone whose initials are not Jackson Nunn.
14. Ego sum iocari semper. Except about rool #10.

Them’s the roolz. Play nice now.

The last time I was in a play, dressing room conversation turned to pickup lines. I said that no effective pickup lines exist. One of the actresses begged to differ.

She cocked her head to one side, smiled sweetly and said, “Wanna fuck? Or should I just apologize?”

I confess to never having the nerve to attempt that line and contend all efficacy is lost when a man uses it on a woman.

What is the best, worst, or funniest pickup line you have PERSONALLY EXPERIENCED?

Got it?


photo courtesy of The Nu Romantics

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