Welcome to Late Night Laugh Lines. Hello, my name is SK and I’m a snark-aholic.

I realized I had a problem when I got fired from my first post-high school job for a smartass remark to the boss. It was a learning experience, the lesson being that bosses have no humor. It’s why they get to be boss.

LNLL isn’t here to put you on a program to deprogram your snarkiness. On the contrary, we strive to help you realize your full smartass potential.

We provide a safe space for you to indulge your dark, sinister, awful side. And laugh about it, snug in the knowledge that you are amongst your tribe. Take a running slide down that slippery slope. I’ll meet you at the bottom.

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The Biggerer Badderer Roolz!

1. RTMBR! (Read The Biggerer Badderer Roolz!). Generations hence will thank you.

2. What ever happened to all those supposed clown stalking cases?

3. No, not stocking. Come on, people, you gotta at least try.

4. How are clowns even a thing anymore? Everybody hates them.

5. Metaphorical clowns, however, are still going strong.

6. Remember those local kids TV shows with clowns we used to watch? Hella creepy now.

7. Is there a bag limit during clown season?

8. Sure, it will vary from state to state.

9. I hear in Texas, you can use clowns as bait for wild boar.

10. Sinister actually means the left hand.

11. Why do I even bother? You are all horrible.

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How fun was last week?

You all did a great job ruining your dating profiles with just FIVE WORDS.

However, I must report that you got a date who didn’t scare so easily. In fact, you’ve been “going steady” as kids used to say.

Another opportunity to fuck everything up has presented itself, and by god, we are going to take it by the throat and kick it someplace very tender.

You felt this moment was coming, sneaking ever closer. And now the time has finally arrived. Your partner just said, “I love you.”

Please provide the mostest awfulest response to “I love you” using EXACTLY FIVE WORDS.

Here’s mine:

“I’ll get back to you.”

Go forth and destroy this fledgling relationship in FIVE WORDS.